You feel a rush every time their name pops up on your phone. You can’t stop thinking about them. You’re counting down the hours until the next time you see each other. You’ve fallen in love, and it’s “that can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.” (IYKYK—and when it comes to love, you know.)

Unfortunately, this magical feeling doesn’t always last forever. As time passes, you may notice a shift—perhaps you’ve started daydreaming about the sexy stranger you see on the train every morning, or your partner’s once-adorable habits have become downright annoying. If these feelings resonate, you might be falling out of love.

Rest assured, “it’s normal for partners to feel a sense of ‘falling out of love’ now and again,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of The Joy of Imperfect Love. Relationships naturally change over time, and for your feelings to ebb and flow with those changes.

But sometimes, a change in feelings can mean you’re falling out of love, usually due to a variety of factors—like mental health challenges, learning new things about yourself, a shift in your personal values, or even dealing with financial stress, having a child, or spending too much time apart—rather than a single issue, says Nikki Coleman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and sex self-confidence coach based in Texas. Any and/or a combination of these factors can lead a couple to drift apart, even though neither partner has done anything “wrong.”

However, falling out of love doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to call it quits—it could also be an opportunity to reassess the relationship and work together to rekindle the connection. Here’s how to tell if you’ve lost that loving feeling:

Signs You’re Falling Out Of Love:

1. You’re no longer curious.

Think back to the early stages of dating: You showed up to a date, eager to learn everything there was to know about your new love interest, Manly says. When there is a lack of curiosity—maybe you feel like you already know everything about your partner, for example—it’s a big sign you could be falling out of love, she adds.

2. You feel apathetic about your relationship and where it’s headed.

Unlike the honeymoon phase when enthusiasm is heightened, falling out of love is often marked by a sense of apathy or ambivalence. This is known as “relationship fatigue”—a.k.a., when you feel drained and have less motivation to keep the connection going, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director at Ocean Recovery. “Over time, we may start to feel overwhelmed by our relationships, leading us to become tired or apathetic about investing energy in them,” she says.

Relationship fatigue can look like being disengaged from your partner, generally uninterested in them and the relationship, or even cynical about your future together. You may forget important milestones, stop prioritizing quality time together, or feel like putting in the effort is a chore. “Partners who are falling out of love often stop making plans,” Manly says. “A partner who shows no interest in planning future vacations or creating shared goals may be signaling that they have one foot out the door.” If any of this sounds familiar, it may be a sign you’re falling out of love.

3. You’re not communicating with your partner the way you used to.

“This may show up as avoiding conversations, not making time to spend together, or having difficulty communicating feelings and ideas,” Hartman says. Maybe you give them one-word or noncommittal answers, or you share less with them about your day than you normally would. You may even start to shut down or hide your true thoughts from them, which can create emotional distance (and resentment) over time.

4. You find yourself creating physical and emotional distance.

“When someone is falling out of love, they may become emotionally distant, avoid physical intimacy, stop expressing affection, or appear detached and unresponsive to emotional needs,” says Brandon Santan, PhD, a licensed therapist specializing in relationships based in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

It’s normal to crave alone time every so often (e.g., when you’re both feeling stressed, or after a long day at work), but if you’re not interested in connecting the majority of the time, it’s probably a sign you’re falling out of love. “A noticeable decline in enthusiasm and interest in spending time together, engaging in shared activities, or discussing future plans may suggest that feelings are fading,” Santan says.

5. There’s an increase in conflict (or lack of interest in resolving it).

Conflict is a natural part of relationships, but sometimes, too much friction can indicate that love is dissolving. “When there is more conflict than connection, it is time to look at and address what has changed and get curious about why that is,” Coleman says.

A partner who is falling out of love may instigate conflict as a means of creating distance in the relationship, according to Manly, but it’s even more telling when there’s no interest in making peace at all. “Although ongoing conflicts are never a good sign in a relationship, a lack of interest in resolving the root issues is often a sign that feelings of love have waned—or that there was an inability to create lasting love from the onset,” she says.

6. You’re not as interested in quality time as you used to be.

Thoughtfully-planned date nights and spontaneous weekend trips may have been the norm when you first got together, but if you’re significantly less eager to spend QT with your S.O. nowadays, it could be a red flag. “When you find reasons to not be around [your partner], it’s a signal that something is amiss in the relationship,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles. Maybe you’re“too busy with work” for your usual weeknight hang, or you’re suddenly too sick to attend an important family event with them.

The disconnect can apply to quieter everyday moments, too. “When you don’t feel excited about your partner or the idea of spending time with them—especially doing the mundane tasks of life—it is likely that you are not feeling as in love anymore,” says Coleman.

7. Intimacy and sex are minimal or nonexistent.

There are many different types of intimacy (including non-physical) that can strengthen your connection. But when intimacy no longer exists, it can feel impossible to experience love. “If the idea of physical touch or intimacy feels like something you’d rather not do and you don’t have much desire to engage in it, this could be a sign [you’re falling out of love],” says Surabhi Jagdish, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Revolutionary Reflections in Houston.

There are many reasons your (or your partner’s) sex drive might ebb and flow, and having sex or being intimate less frequently doesn’t automatically mean you’re falling out of love. But it can indicate that something is off—especially if there’s a complete lack of communication, and no interest in fostering other forms of connection.

“Partners who are deeply connected on an emotional level tend to move through the natural highs and lows of sexual intimacy with grace,” Manly says.

8. You fantasize about being single or seeing other people.

Ah, the “grass is greener” mentality. Put simply: “Constant daydreaming or expressing a desire to be single or explore other options may indicate that [you are] contemplating a life outside the relationship,” Santan says. For instance, you may fantasize about single life, feel jealous of your single friends, or think about being with other people. If you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a while, it’s normal to have crushes (everyone is human!), but if you’re regularly entertaining the idea of life without your partner and think you’d be better off without them, it’s a pretty obvious sign that love is fading.

9. Their quirks and flaws feel increasingly annoying.

It’s normal to get on each other’s nerves a little—nobody is perfect! But maybe you constantly feel frustrated by the way they chew their food, leave their clothes on the floor, or talk through TV shows. If your partner’s quirks, behavior, and personality seem to get on your nerves more than usual—or even if something you once found endearing is now annoying—it’s likely a sign you’re no longer feeling the love, says Manly. “Growing disinterest or dissatisfaction in the relationship can lead to more frequent arguments, nitpicking, or a general sense of frustration and tension between both partners,” Santan explains.

10. Your lives are moving in different directions that don’t feel aligned.

Falling out of love may happen naturally, due to partners taking different life paths that feel very separate. Let’s say your partner enjoys traveling extensively for work, yet you constantly crave more time together. After years of ongoing separation and lack of connection, the relationship may surely suffer, Manly says.

“Loving partnerships rely on communication, togetherness, shared ventures, and connective play,” she adds. “If partners routinely take paths that leave each person feeling separate and alone, the loving bonds often fade away.” To close the gap between diverging life paths, you might make a concerted effort to be with your partner by always traveling to meet up on their business trips, for example. But if that effort is not reciprocated, you may to start to feel continuously “unseen or unloved,” which can lead to someone falling out of love, she adds.

Falling out of love or… just feeling comfortable?

Over time, as a couple becomes comfortable in their relationship, they may feel less passion and lust for one another than they did in the beginning. Instead, they develop a more companionate relationship, where they feel less of the highs (and lows) of an uber romantic feeling of love, and more of a steady and safe friendship feeling of love. “You are still invested and connected. There’s a feeling of love and desire…it just changes,” Harouni Lurie says.

For example, you may not have sex as often as in the early days of dating; instead, you find contentment cozying up on the couch and watching your new favorite TV show together. That doesn’t mean you’re not in love anymore—it’s actually normal and healthy for relationships to feel more companionate over time. “It’s not sustainable to stay in lust and to have the passion we experienced when first falling in love,” says Harouni Lurie. “We wouldn’t be able to live our lives as fully if we were always in that place.”

However, falling out of love is when the positive feelings are warped and replaced with apathy, says Harouni Lurie. You might feel anger, contempt, or boredom with your partner, and you’re uninterested in continuing to invest in the relationship. Instead of feeling comfortable, you feel stuck—and, in order to get out, start consistently “leaning away from the relationship,” says Harouni Lurie.

So, You’ve Fallen Out Of Love. Here’s What To Do Next:

Consider the root of the issue.

Take inventory: It’s important to understand what’s causing this newfound lack of love before making any big decisions, Harouni Lurie and Manly say. Is it circumstantial, like one person working too much? Was there a betrayal that never got addressed and you slowly drifted apart?

There could be a single make-or-break issue, but usually, it’s more than one thing, says Sarah Epstein, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Philadelphia and Dallas. What’s more: The cause(s) might be out of your control. “In some cases, the issue has nothing to do with a partner’s behavior and is solely related to stress, unresolved internal issues, or personal shifts,” Manly says.

It’s also possible that you’re not falling out of love—you’re just feeling disconnected, Epstein says. Maybe you’re in two different life stages—like, your partner is starting grad school while you’re trying to climb the corporate ladder, so you don’t feel like you have much in common anymore. Your lives, which were once intertwined, now seem to be going in different directions.

Once you know the root of the issue, consider what you need for both people to feel connected again, Epstein says. Additionally, “self-reflection—including journaling, meditating, and seeing a therapist—is often a key part of the journey,” Manly says. Remember, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to reviving a relationship, because every couple and every situation is unique.

Evaluate your overall compatibility.

That includes any shared values and long-term goals of your relationship. “Determine whether the issues you are facing are temporary, or if they point to deeper incompatibilities that may be difficult to overcome,” Santan says. “This assessment can help you gain clarity on whether the relationship is salvageable, or if it may be healthier for both parties to move on.”

Then, talk to your partner.

It can be tough to admit you’re falling out of love, and even trickier to communicate that to your partner. Even so, Santan suggests initiating an honest, compassionate conversation with them about your feelings. “Choose a suitable time and place to express your thoughts, concerns, and doubts,” he says. “Clearly communicate your emotional state and be open to listening to their perspective as well. Keep in mind that effective communication is key to understanding each other and finding potential solutions.”

You might say something like, “Hey, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. Sometimes, it feels like our connection has changed… do you ever feel that way, too?” It may feel intimidating, but take a deep breath and be sincere. Who knows? Maybe your partner has been feeling the same way, too, and the conversation can be a healing experience for you both.

Eventually, you may decide that the relationship can be repaired—or call it quits. You may also want to take a break to reassess, or seek couples therapy to help you navigate the situation. “Based on the self-reflection, communication, and professional guidance, you will eventually need to make a decision about the future of your relationship,” Santan says. “Remember that this decision should be made with careful consideration of your own well-being and the well-being of your partner.”

The Good News? You Can Fall Back In Love. Here’s How:

Focusing on self self-reflection, communication, intimacy, and quality time can help.

“Falling back in love takes time and effort from both partners. It may not happen overnight, and patience, understanding, and commitment are key,” Santan explains. “If both individuals are willing to put in the work and are open to growth, it is possible to rediscover the love and connection that initially brought them together.”

Remember, as you both grow and change as people, so must your relationship. “The goal is to find new ways to rediscover each other, and pursue the experience of being in love with them over and over again,” says Coleman.

Remember what you loved about your partner at the beginning of your relationship.

“Take some time to ask yourself, ‘What attracted me to my partner? What helped me fall in love in the first place? What are some things I said or did but don’t anymore? What are some things they said or did but don’t do anymore? Are these things I still experience or notice with my partner?’” Jagdish says. “If you can identify these things, look for them in your relationship again.”

It all comes back to getting curious about your partner. Imagine going on a familiar hike—with an incurious mindset, you may not be as interested in the hike because you’ve been down this path before. However, “if you have a more curious mindset, you might say to yourself, ‘I know I’ve done this before, but it has evolved since the last time I’ve been here. There’s more to see, learn and cherish,” Manly says. Maybe a boulder hasn’t moved since your last trek, but this time, you notice the way the mica in the rock sparkles in the sunlight, helping you appreciate its beauty all over again.

At the same time, don’t compare your relationship to a past version.

It’s useful for couples to think of their relationship not as one relationship, but as many different versions. “What your relationship looks like at 20 isn’t going to be what it looks like at 40, 60, etc.,” says Epstein. “Beliefs, values, trauma, all of these things will change your relationship over time.”

Instead of thinking, “How can we get back to what our relationship was?” try reframing it to what this relationship can be and how it can work for you now. Ask yourselves: What does love and connection mean to you both now? How can you fold that into the relationship today?

Ultimately, whether you decide to rebuild or end the relationship, know that you deserve happiness and all the joy that lasting love can bring.

Meet the Experts: Carla Marie Manly, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and author of The Joy of Imperfect Love. Nikki Coleman, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and sex self-confidence coach based in Texas. Kalley Hartman, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director at Ocean Recovery. Brandon Santan, PhD, is a licensed therapist specializing in relationships based in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles. Surabhi Jagdish, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Revolutionary Reflections in Houston. Sarah Epstein, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Philadelphia and Dallas.