Even the least likely of us have probably been hurt by something someone has said.

Whether it comes from a stranger, an acquaintance, our romantic partner or a five-year-old who probably doesn’t realise what he’s saying, it can deeply offend us.

But when faced with a comment about our appearance, our skills or our environment, how do we react?

While bursting into tears is not always an easy option to rule out, it is also possible to lose one’s temper in order to defend oneself or to make it clear that the comment is not acceptable, or to lose one’s temper and not say another word.

However, these reactions, although natural, are not always the most effective ways of making your feelings heard.

THE answer to give when you’re hurt

Although the urge to respond immediately can be particularly strong, Matt Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford University and communications expert interviewed by CNBC, urges you to pause first.

It’s very common to have an emotional reaction and want to respond immediately,’ he explains. ‘Giving yourself a bit of space can help you focus your thoughts.’

During this pause, you can try to adopt the other person’s point of view. Was she trying to push you into a corner? To hurt you? To attack you personally? Or are their intentions good, but the clumsiness has disrupted the message?

Finally, Matt Abrahams advises opening the conversation with a phrase that will allow you not only to show that the words have touched you, but also to get to the root of the problem: ‘Help me understand.’

For example, ask her why she thinks you have this flaw? Why does she think you look funny? Put yourself in the position of someone who is trying to understand where this remark or behaviour comes from.

By doing this, you are indicating that you are hurt, but that you are ready to resolve the problem if there is one.

8 signs that you’re taking things too personally

If there are phrases and behaviours that rightly offend you, when repeated with a variety of people who have no ill intentions, you may wonder whether you’re being too sensitive.

Everyone can take things too personally, especially when other people’s words or actions are misinterpreted,’ says Kaytee Gillis, a therapist with Choosing Therapy.

Although these reactions are natural, they can cause tension in relationships and distort our perception of situations.’

That’s why it’s imperative to be aware of our tendency to take everything personally and to be sensitive. Kaytee Gillis has listed eight signs that may point you in the right direction:

• You keep replaying in your head the criticism someone made of your work.
• You are still thinking about an interaction with someone hours after the event.
• You feel your body heat up and tense up when you think about what they said or did.
• You obsess about other people’s opinions and fear that they will be negative.
• You fear that there is an ulterior motive behind what others say.
• You get angry easily or feel frustrated with others and find it hard to relax.
• You find yourself venting about the situation to others for longer than necessary.
• You have struggled with the feeling of being misunderstood for most of your life.