News has emerged about a possible change of name for appointments made under the Order of the British Empire honours system. OBEs are awarded by the King on the advice of certain important persons, such as the Prime Minister, and managed by various awards committees.

It seems some of the exalted OBE appointees are uneasy about being associated with the word Empire, particularly in the context of past colonialism and the slave trade. The late great British poet Benjamin Zephaniah was one of many candidates who declined the offer of an OBE (Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire).

Me? I thought, OBE me? Up yours, I thought. I get angry when I hear that word “empire”; it reminds me of slavery, it reminds of thousands of years of brutality, it reminds me of how my foremothers were raped and my forefathers brutalised. It is because of this concept of empire that my British education led me to believe that the history of black people started with slavery and that we were born slaves, and should therefore be grateful that we were given freedom by our caring white masters.

Was our esteemed brother poet ungrateful for declining this award, or was he right to do so? He is not the first person to say no to, or return, a gong. Beatles John Lennon famously returned his MBE (Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire) in 1969 as a protest against British involvement in the Nigerian Civil War and Vietnam War. Many others have taken such a stand.

But what about changing the name of the awards? The suggestion that it should be changed to Order of British Excellence seems to me a bit mealy mouthed. Will changing ‘Empire’ to ‘Excellence’ do anything to right the wrongs of the history of the British Empire? Or will it just be a cover up or cynical rebrand of the Empire award? What do you think?

According to official sources, the British honours system rewards individuals with Honours, Decorations and Medals in public recognition of their merit, service or bravery. No mention of empire here so perhaps it is a bit anachronistic to stick to the name when it could easily be changed. Then again, if awardees are given a choice, what does it say to the world if you would like to retain the dreaded “E” word on your medal? But ‘Excellence’ – really?

Perhaps concerned OBEs and candidates should refuse to accept the medal in the first place as Brummie Bard Benji did (Brummie trs: from Birminham, England). Who knows? This is likely to be one of those issues that is hotly ‘debated’ on social media for years to come. Meanwhile, what about the name?

Surely the imaginative people reading this rambling narrative can come up with something better than Order of British Excellence.

Challenge: Suggest a new name for the Order of the British Empire. Best name wins a $5 tip

This is a fun challenge, so the $5 star prize (actually the only prize) will go to the author of the best (either the funniest if funny, or the best idea if serious), and most original re-naming of any of the OBE awards:

1. CBE: Commander of the Order of the British Empire:
2. OBE: Officer of the Order of the British Empire
3. MBE: Member of the Order of the British Empire

Here’s my little offering, suggested by a friend long ago, on hearing that the manager of a factory had been awarded an OBE.

Other Buggers’ Efforts

Meaning (to translate the UK vernacular) that the award is for efforts put in by other people. In this case factory workers employed by the business owner. It is not meant to be a literal reference to the sex act. To be fair to award winners, they do generally credit those who have helped them get where they are. I have known a few in public service who have certainly done a great deal to earn their award.

Anyone care to give it a go?

How to enter

Deadline: Tuesday November 12 at 12:00 EST (19:00 UTC)

Simply add a comment to this story with your suggestion(s). They can be serious, funny, perhaps radically different. If you can’t do anything with CBE, OBE or MBE, please feel free to completely change the wording or format. Perhaps something like the Exceptional Brit Award (EBA). Or perhaps you think the whole awards system is corrupt and should be abandoned. Just try to think of a succinct explanation. There is no limit and there are no rules to your creativity. Please feel free to give an example of a deserving person to receive the award. If you want to create a story or poem around this issue, please do, adding a link to the story in comments below.

Go for it!

Thanks for reading